Doctor Phil vs. Pornography

Doctor Phil bothers me because he is too right wing. Most of Hollywood is more left leaning, Democrat voting, middle of the road, don’t alienate our fan base, but not doctor Phil.

He views on pornography are worse than the Catholic Church. God help the man who is on his set if he likes his porn. Now, being gay, straight porn isn’t my thing, all that bad acting and screaming by the women in the movies, does that really turn straights on? Slight sidetrack here, I was flipping channels one night and after midnight on Friday and Saturday, they have straight porn that shows everything but ejaculation. I don’t understand that one. I digress, this woman was so bad, I thought it was part of the plot, you know she is sleeping with some to extort him or whatever and while he thought he was doing such a fantastic jobs, she needed to be flicked in the ass with a sling shot from off stage to keep her conscious. Not part of the plot folks, she was just that bad.

Back to Dr. Phil, sure if the guy is totally ignoring his wife by surfing for hours, that’s not nice. However, is she is sitting on the sofa with a bag of Doritos watching Survivor or dreaming of the Idols on American Idol, then let him be. Dr. Phil is either the luckiest man on earth or the biggest hypocrite. Lucky, because his wife still has a sex drive that matches his, or more likely, he’s off with his own lap top/ Wi-Fi in his monster SUV in the garage spanking it. Guess what gets my vote.

He says that a man watching pornography is cheating on his wife. Come off it, who hasn’t been bored and decided to lower the lights and think to that hottie at the office, or at the coffee shop at lunch time? If she or he, won’t put out as often as required or worse, put out ever then what’s the harm is going online or to the video store. Would doctor Phil prefer an affair or a prostitute, or better yet, a divorce?

Call a spade a space

Well today at the doctor’s office I did something that everyone should do from time to time. I told someone who really deserves it to “f*** off.”

I really am a nice guy; I stopped off at the coffee shop and bought 4 coffees for the girls who work at the hand clinic at Toronto Western Hospital. It was time for my 6 month check up on the nerve transposition surgery I had. One of the nurses gave me a form to fill out. While I was standing there waiting to return it, this woman and her husband who were registering were really being nasty. The nurse, who was filling in for one of the regulars asked her for his heath card (for you Americans, think of it as a government issued insurance card for our free health care). The woman, the wife of the patient, told her that she did not bring it. The nurse said, “you have to bring it every time to every doctor’s appointment.” Then her husband says, “the information is all the same.” The nurse says, “I realize that, but you must bring it with you and show it.” Well the wife then get nasty, she says, “fine you don’t have to be ignorant about it, you’ve already said that 2 times.” I turned to her and said “and you don’t have to be a bitch about it, the woman is just trying to do her job.”

Well all hell broke lose. This woman, who is in her 50’s, takes a swing at my head calling me a “little bastard.” Her husband kicks me in the ankle, the nurse was loving every minute of it as I yelling back, “you f***ing bitch, she has to swipe the card in order for the doctor to get paid and to update your records”, the nurse was just smacking the desk saying “yeah, YEAH!”

And it just kept on going, even after I sat down, these two people are calling me every name in the book, except fag which was quite surprising since that’s about the only thing they could have called me that would have been half way accurate. “Drug addict, stupid asshole, grade school drop out” well you get the picture. I finally just said, “would you just shut your mouth you whore.” When I finally was called in to see the doctor, I just said, “I am sorry.” He says “for what?” I replied, “oh you will hear about it from the next patient.”

As I left I told the girls I was sorry for causing such a disturbance and they just said don’t feel bad you were only protecting us. All the way home, I had this stupid smile on my face. I felt bad for loosing it since I rarely do, but I also had a great sense of self-satisfaction knowing that the nurse will never forget that day at the office and the patient and his wife may think hard before they call someone else ignorant.

Typical George W.

OK, my blog is not all about America, and I certainly don’t dislike Americans (just Republicans), but I have to think that Bush, (not the people of New Orleans, God bless and help them), reaps what he sows. It did not make the news at all down there, but a NAFTA panel ruled that Bush’s duties on Canadian softwood lumber break the North American Free Trade Agreement, and ordered them to repay 5 billion dollars in illegally collected taxes. Bush, the cocky little twit just said “no.” Hello you little waste of skin, we have a signed agreement. It’s like buying a car, then, after taking possession you tell the dealer, “thanks for the car but I am not paying for it.” Then when the dealer wins in court, because of course the law is the law, you just tell the court “no.” What would happen? Contempt of court? Prison? Remember Manuel Noriega? Doesn’t phase Dubbaya.

Canada entered this agreement with the US to benefit both of us, but so far Canada keeps getting screwed. We have oil, “please send all that you can.” We have cows “oh the dreaded mad cow disease, keep them away despite the fact we’ve had our own home grown cases.” Canada has cheaper prescription drugs, “please send those to the US, but keep your lumber, we have our own.” That is not free trade that is selective trade.

Now here is the kicker. The evil Canadian lumber that Bush is so set against is now being donated to the people left homeless by Katrina. To build 200,000 new homes is going to require huge resources that the US cannot meet. Come on people, this is Canada here; we’ve got trees and billions of them. So is Bush going to continue with his illegal duties to punish the victims even more, or will he just let in the lumber that Canada donates?

Remember Canadian search and rescue were in St. Bernard Parish 5 days before the US rescue officials.

An open letter to Dr. Laura and every other homophobe out there

Dear Dr. Laura: .

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your radio show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors bitch to the zoning people. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. What do you think would be a fair price for her? She is 18 and starting college. Will the slave buyer be required to continue to pay for her education by law?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense and threaten to call Human Resources.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? ....Why can't I own Canadians? Is there something wrong with them due to the weather?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he must be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project? What is a good day to start? Should we begin with small stones? Kind of lead up to it?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. I mean, a shrimp just isn't the same as a you-know-what. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I

have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses fall within some exception?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die? The Mafia once took out Albert Anastasia in a barbershop, but I'm not Catholic; is this ecumenical thing a sign that it's ok?

I) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

George Bush hates Blacks

Come on people, do you really think he hates blacks? Do you really think that it does not matter to him if African Americans die in flood water, or from starvation or thrist. The man is a moron but you already knew that. You re-elected him for God's sake. It was fine when he was invading Iraq, lying about weapons of mass destruction, and generally wearing the title of "Bully of the World" with the smug pride that only a draft dodger could muster. However now that his incompetence has been so clearly demonstrated to the residents of the south, maybe people will think twice about voting for such an ass.